The Japan Times - British family bids to row back against suicide taboo

The Ash family -- mother Charlotte, daughter Camilla and her siblings Henry and James -- had no experience of rowing whatsoever until this summer but are now preparing to take part in what is labelled the "World's Toughest Row'".

The 50 to 60 backbreaking days that lie ahead of them once they set off in their 28-foot (8.5-metre) boat from the Canary Islands for Antigua in December next year will be challenging, but nothing compared to what they experienced on September 19, 2023.

That was the day Charlotte's husband Robert, the children's father, took his life.

The family are undertaking the forbidding challenge to support British charity Suicide & Co.

"It's not about flying flares (in Antigua), it's never been about a personal endeavour," Henry, 32, told AFP.

"It's about the charity, raising awareness and trying to bring suicide more into a conversation where people feel that they are able to talk about it."

That was something they had to confront when Robert ended his life.

"We all reacted in different ways," Camilla, a 37-year-old lawyer, said.

"That is across a myriad of things like why, how, was it something we did? What was going on? What did Dad feel on that day?

"We've all come away with slightly different interpretations of the event."

- 'Children at sea'-

However, it was thanks to Henry being put in touch with Suicide & Co that they were able to talk through what had happened -- including in 12 sessions of individual counselling six months after Robert's death.

Henry had always wanted to row an ocean. In the most tragic of circumstances the seed grew into the sapling, and he decided last year that it was an opportunity to repay Suicide & Co for their help.

Though they were receptive, Henry says the charity's co-founder Amelia Wrighton "was asking questions that perhaps hadn't really entered my mind".

"Like, how dangerous is it? Are you supported? Where do you stop along the way? Because there is no land mass between La Gomera and Antigua," he added.

He may not have had the answers immediately but he had no hesitation when Wrighton asked if he had thought about doing the row with anyone else.

"I said to her, because of the reason why I'm doing it, I wouldn't want to do it with anyone other than my family."

James was first on board and although Henry had earmarked Camilla and 63-year-old Charlotte to take care of the fundraising -- "I just thought they would not want to row the Atlantic" -- they too jumped on board.

Charlotte did suggest "rowing the same distance up and down the River Ouse" near the family home in Yorkshire, northern England, but in the end Henry says his mother thought "'it would be worse having my three children at sea and not being with them than it would be to go with them'".

- 'Pressure cooker' -

Having come through their first summer of training on the water, in the North Sea, completing their first 36-hour non-stop row and already raising over £360,000 ($486,000), they have laid the foundations for the final push in 2027.

Charlotte admits it is a "pretty scary thing to be doing" but said that now, armed with more knowledge and experience, she was "marginally less terrified than at the beginning of the year".

History too awaits with the Guinness World Records confirming that they would be the fastest family to row across the Atlantic Ocean.

"James did say that because we are the only family to have done it, we will therefore be double world record holders because we'll also be the slowest," Henry joked.

They are hoping their exploits will persuade more people to open up in talking about suicide.

The family's experiences suggest it is "generational".

James said his friends had been "pretty unanimously... very supportive", but Charlotte said her age group often found it a harder subject to talk about.

James added: "(My friends) ask how I am, which is often a very difficult question to answer."

As a family though they appear prepared to cope with being cooped up in what James compares to a "pressure cooker".

Henry admits there are "things you can't prepare for. People talk about hallucinations, perhaps tempers flare" and Charlotte says they have become more tolerant of each other.

Camilla believes being a family rather than just friends helps in tricky moments.

"Don't get me wrong, we've already fallen out on the boat," she said.

"But I think as a family, you can move on quite quickly from arguments. And we know each other so well that we know what presses people's buttons."

Above all, Robert's presence will still be felt -- the fifth member of the team.

"The children used to call him 'Dards'," said Charlotte, which will be reflected in their mission statement written on the boat, Determination, Appreciation, Resilience, Dedication, and Spirit.

K.Abe--JT